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Body Shots

08-18-09

I went to get all of my vaccinations for Kenya yesterday.  A sexy way to spend my morning if you ask me.

Things started off normal: general physical, africa debriefing, prescription instructions etc.

But by the time I was ushered into the vaccination room, things got real fishy, real fast.

The scene before me was this: Two nurses were tag teaming this little  immunization operation, but it may as well have been Abbot and Costello. Or 2 of the 3 stooges. Or Steven and Stephawn Erkel.One was fishing the shots out of the cooler, while the other was hollering  about the vaccination instruction sheets laid out haphazardly on the counter. They were debating openly and unashamedly about which shots can go in which arm, and which shouldn’t be mixed.

“No no no. Yellow Fever can’t be mixed with Tetanus.”

“Are you sure? I thought Typhoid was the tricky one”

“Dang, we need a cheat sheet”

“You got a highlighter?”

I sat there, in horrified silence while they cackled back and forth about what they would soon be injecting INTO MY VEINS.

SO THAT I WOULDNT GET A DEADLY DISEASE.

IN AFRICA.

Dear, nurses, this is what you’ve trained for, yes? If I get malaria I’m seriously pressing charges.

Finally they figured it out and gave me 2 on my left arm and 2 on my right. One of em even smiled as I yelled “I’m so brave!” after the first round. I have a knack for subtlety.

When all was said and done, I left the office with 4 band aids, 3 prescriptions, a healthy dose of fear, and an immunity to yellow fever.

I hope.

This story can only end with some positive pessimism:

My shots may have been mishandled, but at least my travel insurance covers shipping my body back if I die.

 

Polio Shot with Salt and a Lime,

Bob. 

Listening to: “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine–my new fav band whom I always call “Florence and the Hendersons” in my head.

On my mind: A guy my roommate dated once sent her a text saying “Hey yo baby yo, what it is?” It took us a half hour to decode.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Coriori permalink
    08-19-09 12:26 pm

    Classic… no other words. Are you going to be blogging from Kenya? Watch out for men over there.. one in seven have HIV – the one shot you didn’t get 😦

  2. Bridgy permalink
    08-19-09 12:44 pm

    I mustache you a question……

  3. Ben permalink
    08-20-09 3:14 pm

    But maybe a dark humored T-shirt would be in order along the lines of:

    “I volunteered in Kenya, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt…
    …oh and HIV”

    Hmmm… it was funnier in my head than on the screen.

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