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What is Spanish for ‘Gag me’


Waiters, by nature, are cheesy.

They talk too much about the daily specials, upsell you on drinks, appetizers and desserts and smile at your babies. Don’t be fooled–look closely and behind the chester grin are dollar signs flashing in their eyes.

I don’t think I have the stomach for it. I looked around me today at the other servers and I realized I’m just not cheesy enough to last much longer. I fear a “you need more flare” moment in my near future. For instance, some of the waiters write their names and “Gracias!” at the tops of their checks when they hand them to tables.

I refuse.

But I did decide to start writing other nonsensical spanish sayings or words at the top of my checks. Like “con carne!” or “lapiz” or “la cucarracha”. Stuff like that. This way my customers will think I’m being cutesy but really I am getting the last laugh. Unless they are spanish speakers in which case they will assume I am a confused gringa thinking she’s writing thank you or goodbye. And then their tips might go up out of sheer sympathy.

My business plan for this gig is water tight, eh?

slowly turning emo,


Listening to: One of the waiters calls me “Rook” as in “Rookie”. I never respond.

On my mind: Another waiter asked me why I don’t braid my hair. I said bc I didnt wanna channel Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. I quickly added that I would, however, not be opposed to dating Sully.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. 04-08-09 8:13 am

    Brilliant idea! May I recommend “el sacapuntas”? It means stapler, but it sounds much, much worse, especially if you say it like it’s a command. Flanked by an upside down exclamation point on the left and a regular exclamation point on the right and you’re ready to go.

    Oh and according to babel fish (which is ALWAYS accurate*), “amordáceme” means “gag me.”

    *See personal story about this at

  2. Leaf permalink
    04-08-09 1:35 pm

    I, for one, always thought Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was a hottie.

    Your observations strangely make me miss my waitering days.

    iPiso Mojado! 🙂

  3. 04-09-09 8:48 am

    MMM…Sully….I’ll take an axe throwing, home building, buckskin (is that what it is?) wearing, always do the right thing, nature-loving Hottie McHotterson anyday…..

    totally support the random spanish word idea….you could really get creative with it…

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