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Honesty is SO 2008


With all of my free time lately, I’ve taken up a new hobby: lying.

Because lets face it. Unemployment is the panic button of small talk. Its like the insta Debbie Downer, or pressing the “wah wahhhhh” button on a sound board. And I’m a little tired of being the cause of conversation derailing. Enter: lying.

I figure I’m really doing everyone a favor when I skim over details of my job situation or smoothly change the subject when employment topics arise. For example, over Christmas I coyly said, “Man it is  a beeeeeautiful day” when a family member started to ask about life in Chicago. See what I did there? This way I save them the trouble of coming up with a sympathetic/helpful/inspiring comment (which does not exist, btw) and I save myself from a few pitying-shoulder-pats that usually happen when people dont know what to say but somehow want to express concern/support.

zack_morris4Just tonight, even, I had a moment where I glossed over the issue completely. My roommate has a few friends staying at our place this week and one of them asked me, “So you have tomorrow off?”.  As soon as he said that I pulled a Zach Morris and froze time to think of a response.  I had the option to go with the standard, “Actually I’m not employed… really, at the moment…exactly…so…ugh, ha…yeah I wont be working tomorrow…”.Or, I realized, I could just leave a few details out and relieve us both of the impending awkward convo. TIME IN. I said to him, “Yep I have the whole week off”. “Wow, thats awesome”, he said. Oh if he had any idea. And ya know, I think I can sleep tonight knowing I kinda sorta fibbed to a stranger. And I bet he will sleep better too knowing he didnt totally put his foot in his mouth while trying to console his friend’s roommate about her unemployment woes. See? We all win.

I mean, in the end its really a selfless thing. I’m just lookin out for you guys. You can thank me later. Or maybe just send money.

Keepin it realz,


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